Welcome to Your Child's Brain

I just finished reading a terrific book, Welcome to Your Child’s Brain. With an infant in the house, it’s hard to find time to read. In fact, I had to renew the book three times, but it was worth it.
Written by two neuroscientists, Sam Wang and Sandra Aamodt, the book was published last year.
The book is about the brain development of children, from birth to about the age of 18. The book explains, in laymen’s terms, different aspects of brain development, ranging from sight to learning mathematics. I found the section on language development particularly interesting. For example, newborns can distinguish sounds from every language at birth, but by six months, they lose that ability and start focusing on their mother tongue.
It also includes practical tips for parents. For example, I learned that being outside my reduce the chances of your child being myopic or near sighted. I also learned about the importance of teaching kids self-control, and one of the best traits I can have as a mom is being loving and warm to my kids.
Most importantly, I learned how little impact we have on how our kids turn out, which is reassuring. We can influence our kids, but most of them are genetically hardwired to turn out ok despite our parenting styles, which makes sense. If only kids with great parents survived, then the human species probably would have become extinct. The authors use the simile, “Children are like dandelions.”
After having three kids, I’m kind of sick of parenting books; this book isn’t a parenting book. But the information is presenting in such an interesting way, and it’s packed with such useful information, I think I learned a great deal and hopefully will become a better parent.

The Doula

On October 3, our family was blessed with the birth of our third child. It being my third pregnancy and delivery, I felt in some ways like an old pro. On the other hand, just like every child, every pregnancy and delivery is unique and this was no exception.
I decided this time around, I wanted an entirely natural birth and eventually decided that hiring a doula was the best way I could accomplish that goal. Both decisions were the best decisions I could have made for myself.
With my first two deliveries, I was given poticin, a synthetic form of oxytocin, which is used to stimulate contractions. In both cases, this was followed by my request for an epidural. Both deliveries resulted in healthy births, and I can’t say I felt the experiences were negative other than I hate being poked and prodded and pushing was very difficult. On the other hand, I found recovery to take awhile, especially my second delivery (My right leg was slightly numb for an entire month) and pushing took a long time.
I don’t know why I decided to go natural this time. With two kids in school, a fast recovery was important to me. In my research, I read that hiring a doula can reduce the chances of a c-section by 50%.
After interviewing a number of doulas, I decided to hire a lady named Stephanie. I liked her easy going nature. I could tell she was committed to helping women labor naturally, but didn’t seem like an ideologue. As much as I wanted to a natural birth, I know that sometimes medical intervention is necessary, and I didn’t want to feel like a failure or guilty later.
Stephanie was great. She was encouraging. She gave great advice to me and my husband. She wasn’t overbearing or pushy, but when she spoke her tone was firm enough, that I felt I could trust her. Near the end, when things became very difficult for me, I relied on her coaching and my husband’s support to get me through it.
Now that the experience is over, I can say that I am an avid supporter of natural births and doulas. Everyone has different experiences, but for me, going natural meant a faster delivery and recovery.

They talked about Jesus

Yesterday, my son came home from school and told me that during homeroom, the other kids at his table were talking about Jesus. When he mentioned that he wasn’t Christian, they were flabbergasted and gave him a hard time.

“I got annoyed at them,” he said. “So I just put up my privacy folder, and eventually, they started talking about what kind of scientists they wanted to be.”

He told me what bothered him the most was that they wanted to change who he was.

I thought he dealt with the situation well. He was vocal enough to give his opinion and when they kept criticizing him, he just stepped out of the conversation instead of letting it escalate.

As a mother, it can be very painful when you hear that kids in school are giving your kid a hard time. Of course, this was one isolated incident. My son has plenty of friends at school and in the neighborhood we live in. Still, the incident was a reminder that my son is growing up and will be faced with similar situations throughout life.

My little boy started the third grade this year, a big change from previous years. The teachers expect more, the kids have projects and major tests, they participate in the Blue Bonnet reading program for the first time, and they change classes. Even the basketball games are full court and the refs penalize traveling.

Teaching kids how to socialize, preserve their sense of identity, and get along with others is part of the process of growing up. It’s sometimes funny to see the difference between my third grader and my kindergartner. For my kindergartner, everyone in class is a friend and teaching social skills involves sharing crayons and taking turns.

I spoke with my son about what happened and how it made him feel. The truth is, trying to fit in and being the odd man out is something all children will go through. As a minority, the difference between my son and many of his classmates seems stark, but all kids will confront situations that challenge how they want to shape his/her identity. The kid who dresses differently, has a strange hobby, or acts differently. My mom taught at a full time Islamic School for awhile, and even there, she had a student who had trouble making friends because of where she lived. The other girls wouldn’t go to her house to play because she lived in a “bad neighborhood.”

As a parent, when I hear these stories, it breaks my heart. It really hurts to think of any child as being left out. But as a mother, I can’t let those negative feelings get to me. I don’t know if I’m taking the right approach, but I feel like I should just teach my kids to respect diversity and instill in them a sense of self- worth. (easier said than done) I also want them to know that even when the world outside seems tough and mean, they always have a warm and loving home to come to. It’s a slow process. Forget about kids, even adults have a need to “fit in.” It took me about 30 years to be really comfortable in my own skin.

Sorting through contradictions

Next Tuesday is my due date and I’m in full nesting mode. I’m busy doing things in the house, both to get ready for baby number three in addition to other projects I know I won’t get to once the baby arrives. Amidst all of this, I’m trying to prepare for the act of actually giving birth.
Of course, I’ve done this twice before, but just like every pregnancy is different, so is every delivery. I want to avoid a C-section, which seems so common these days, and did I mention I’m going to try and go natural? So I’ve hired a doula and have been reading up on the subject. I’ve read a book about the Bradley method (a competitor of Lamaze) and a book called Birthing from Within. I’ll write about the books and doula after wards since I’m not really in a position right now to judge if these steps were helpful.
I will say it seems that birthing advice seems to contradict itself. On one hand, I’ll read that we use the word labor because it is hard work, so prepare for it. No dimmed lights, no candles. Get ready to walk and breathe. Within the same source material, I’ll read about relaxing and how important it is and the only way your uterus can work is if the rest of your body is relaxed.
I mentioned this to a friend of mine and she agreed and extended it to the birthing community in general. She’s a proponent of natural birth but admitted that often the midwife community will point to flawed studies touted by the medical community while touting flawed studies that back up own opinions.
And just today as I was waiting for my kids to get out of school, I was talking to a group of mothers about this over priced organic burger place my family visited. One lady piped up and said, “I don’t trust organic.” Some of those products are not pasteurized, and there have been cases of people getting sick. Another mother mentioned how she always buys organic milk because she believes that there is a link between early onset of puberty and the hormones added to some milk.
As parents, I guess we have to try and navigate through all this information and do what’s best for our family. I do buy organic milk (always pasteurized). I try to limit the amount of chemicals in my home, but I also immunize my kids and think that not immunizing is irresponsible.
All parents make these decisions and I respect the fact that many parents come to different decisions than I do. At the same time, as a society, we also have to come to some sort of consensus, especially because these individual decisions we all make eventually affect public policy.
For example, health care costs are skyrocketing and yet many insurance companies pay for alternative medicine or chiropractors. It seems the people on both sides of the political spectrum have thrown science out the window in favor of conspiracy theories.
As human beings, we are all prone to contradictions in the decisions we make. Collectively, these choices do affect the world around us (for example, you will see a lot of dairy products today with the label r-BST hormone free). I try not to think about it too much or I’ll go crazy. I’m just practicing relaxing and working hard... making little changes to better the life of my family.

The Smoke and Mirrors of College Sports

The new school year also marks the beginning of fall sports, and by sports, I mean organized sports and the schedule juggling that goes with it.
In our household, summer is a time for unstructured play. Besides the weekly swim lessons, summer consists of playing outside in the evenings with friends and spending hot summer days inside playing with toys, video games, and books. This allows the flexibility for planned vacations, summer day camps, as well as impromptu trips around the city and play dates with friends.
Once fall starts, I usually sign the kids of for a sport. I try not to over schedule, but I think structured sports are important. Kids can learn a lot of skills from a good coach, as well as gaining discipline and learning to play as part of the team. This year, with the continuing oppressive heat, I signed the kids up for basketball and ballet. In other words, INSIDE SPORTS!
I often wonder how long my kids will continue to play. I have a son in third grade and a daughter in kindergarten. Right now, we do sports through the YMCA, but eventually they will have the opportunity to play through school. My goal for my kids is that they learn to love being active and spend a lifetime playing sports not just watching them. To me, this is essential for good health down the road.
Many parents, especially fathers, dream of college sports for their kids. They say the lure is potential college scholarships, but I suspect some of it is bragging rights as well. I've always been on the fence about this. Obviously, if my kids turn out to be particularly gifted in a sport and play in college, I thought that would be great. On the other hand, as long as they continue to enjoy non organized activities such as hiking, running, swimming or intramural sports on their own to continue having fun and being healthy, I would support that as well.
A recent article in The Atlantic Magazine changed my mind. It is titled, The Shame of College Sports, and the author explains that the term "student athlete" is a smoke screen for the NCAA and colleges to use unpaid labor and rake in billions of dollars.
The careers of most college athletes are short lived, lacking the bright future they were promised. The other day, I showed my husband the article, who forwarded it to his friend, a former successful college football player, who agreed with the premise of the story. He said that while he has always been interested in studying, and was able to get a successful non-sports related career after college football, many of his friends and fellow teammates were not so lucky. I encourage all parents to read the article if they haven't already.

Back from summer vacation

The kids are back in school from summer vacation, and I'm going to attempt to start blogging again on a regular basis.
Anticipating the birth of my third any day now, I left my job. I was able to spend the summer with the kids, which was stressful but also a lot of fun. We traveled. I was able to sign them up for various summer camps, we went to the library, and the movies. Now they are back in school, and I am in full nesting mode.
On one hand, I can't wait to meet the newest addition to our family, but I also know that once he or she (we didn't find out the gender) gets here, I will have a lot less time. So, I'm not trying to rush the little guy at all and spending the time getting ready. I've sorted through the entire house and donated a lot. My husband painted the guest room (probably not a necessity but one of those things we wanted to do for awhile).
Baby will be with us, so I got a nook in the master all set up for my little one. I've also been trying to get myself physically ready for giving birth, but I'll go into that in my next post.

Safe and effective sunscreens

As summer approaches (in Houston, it is already here), it's time to purchase sunscreen. I never paid much attention to what brand I purchased until my kids were born.
When they were really young, I used to just keep them out of the sun. Then, I started buying "baby" sunscreen. A couple of years ago, I came across an article (I think in the Washington Post) on the best sunscreens. It quoted research from the environmental working group.
Probably no surprise to many people, a lot of ingredients found in popular sunscreens contain harmful ingredients. A lot of common ingredients just aren't very effective. And those baby sunscreens? Most of them aren't as harmless as they appear, just packaged for advertising.
What I like about the EWG's site is that it has a good list of effective sunscreens as well as a function that you can use to search for sunscreens, including store brands. Basically, when looking for a sunscreen look for zinc, titanium dioxide, or avobenzone as the active ingredient. Avoid sunscreens With oxybenzone or vitamin A. Also avoid the two in one products that have sunscreen and bug repellent. You need to reapply sunscreen every so often, and it is not safe to be exposing skin to all that repellent. For people that want to be extra careful, avoid spray-ons as well.
I really liked the Blue Lizard brand, but it has become quite difficult to find. I noticed Aveeno has one that is a top pick this year on the list, The baby natural mineral block face stick. One other point to keep in mind is to make sure you double check the active ingredients. Many brands, like Aveeno and Blue Lizard, have sunscreens with different ingrediants.
I highly recommend the EWG sunscreen website. It has a lot of useful information. They also have a smartphone app, but I have not used it.