The Doula

On October 3, our family was blessed with the birth of our third child. It being my third pregnancy and delivery, I felt in some ways like an old pro. On the other hand, just like every child, every pregnancy and delivery is unique and this was no exception.
I decided this time around, I wanted an entirely natural birth and eventually decided that hiring a doula was the best way I could accomplish that goal. Both decisions were the best decisions I could have made for myself.
With my first two deliveries, I was given poticin, a synthetic form of oxytocin, which is used to stimulate contractions. In both cases, this was followed by my request for an epidural. Both deliveries resulted in healthy births, and I can’t say I felt the experiences were negative other than I hate being poked and prodded and pushing was very difficult. On the other hand, I found recovery to take awhile, especially my second delivery (My right leg was slightly numb for an entire month) and pushing took a long time.
I don’t know why I decided to go natural this time. With two kids in school, a fast recovery was important to me. In my research, I read that hiring a doula can reduce the chances of a c-section by 50%.
After interviewing a number of doulas, I decided to hire a lady named Stephanie. I liked her easy going nature. I could tell she was committed to helping women labor naturally, but didn’t seem like an ideologue. As much as I wanted to a natural birth, I know that sometimes medical intervention is necessary, and I didn’t want to feel like a failure or guilty later.
Stephanie was great. She was encouraging. She gave great advice to me and my husband. She wasn’t overbearing or pushy, but when she spoke her tone was firm enough, that I felt I could trust her. Near the end, when things became very difficult for me, I relied on her coaching and my husband’s support to get me through it.
Now that the experience is over, I can say that I am an avid supporter of natural births and doulas. Everyone has different experiences, but for me, going natural meant a faster delivery and recovery.

They talked about Jesus

Yesterday, my son came home from school and told me that during homeroom, the other kids at his table were talking about Jesus. When he mentioned that he wasn’t Christian, they were flabbergasted and gave him a hard time.

“I got annoyed at them,” he said. “So I just put up my privacy folder, and eventually, they started talking about what kind of scientists they wanted to be.”

He told me what bothered him the most was that they wanted to change who he was.

I thought he dealt with the situation well. He was vocal enough to give his opinion and when they kept criticizing him, he just stepped out of the conversation instead of letting it escalate.

As a mother, it can be very painful when you hear that kids in school are giving your kid a hard time. Of course, this was one isolated incident. My son has plenty of friends at school and in the neighborhood we live in. Still, the incident was a reminder that my son is growing up and will be faced with similar situations throughout life.

My little boy started the third grade this year, a big change from previous years. The teachers expect more, the kids have projects and major tests, they participate in the Blue Bonnet reading program for the first time, and they change classes. Even the basketball games are full court and the refs penalize traveling.

Teaching kids how to socialize, preserve their sense of identity, and get along with others is part of the process of growing up. It’s sometimes funny to see the difference between my third grader and my kindergartner. For my kindergartner, everyone in class is a friend and teaching social skills involves sharing crayons and taking turns.

I spoke with my son about what happened and how it made him feel. The truth is, trying to fit in and being the odd man out is something all children will go through. As a minority, the difference between my son and many of his classmates seems stark, but all kids will confront situations that challenge how they want to shape his/her identity. The kid who dresses differently, has a strange hobby, or acts differently. My mom taught at a full time Islamic School for awhile, and even there, she had a student who had trouble making friends because of where she lived. The other girls wouldn’t go to her house to play because she lived in a “bad neighborhood.”

As a parent, when I hear these stories, it breaks my heart. It really hurts to think of any child as being left out. But as a mother, I can’t let those negative feelings get to me. I don’t know if I’m taking the right approach, but I feel like I should just teach my kids to respect diversity and instill in them a sense of self- worth. (easier said than done) I also want them to know that even when the world outside seems tough and mean, they always have a warm and loving home to come to. It’s a slow process. Forget about kids, even adults have a need to “fit in.” It took me about 30 years to be really comfortable in my own skin.

Sorting through contradictions

Next Tuesday is my due date and I’m in full nesting mode. I’m busy doing things in the house, both to get ready for baby number three in addition to other projects I know I won’t get to once the baby arrives. Amidst all of this, I’m trying to prepare for the act of actually giving birth.
Of course, I’ve done this twice before, but just like every pregnancy is different, so is every delivery. I want to avoid a C-section, which seems so common these days, and did I mention I’m going to try and go natural? So I’ve hired a doula and have been reading up on the subject. I’ve read a book about the Bradley method (a competitor of Lamaze) and a book called Birthing from Within. I’ll write about the books and doula after wards since I’m not really in a position right now to judge if these steps were helpful.
I will say it seems that birthing advice seems to contradict itself. On one hand, I’ll read that we use the word labor because it is hard work, so prepare for it. No dimmed lights, no candles. Get ready to walk and breathe. Within the same source material, I’ll read about relaxing and how important it is and the only way your uterus can work is if the rest of your body is relaxed.
I mentioned this to a friend of mine and she agreed and extended it to the birthing community in general. She’s a proponent of natural birth but admitted that often the midwife community will point to flawed studies touted by the medical community while touting flawed studies that back up own opinions.
And just today as I was waiting for my kids to get out of school, I was talking to a group of mothers about this over priced organic burger place my family visited. One lady piped up and said, “I don’t trust organic.” Some of those products are not pasteurized, and there have been cases of people getting sick. Another mother mentioned how she always buys organic milk because she believes that there is a link between early onset of puberty and the hormones added to some milk.
As parents, I guess we have to try and navigate through all this information and do what’s best for our family. I do buy organic milk (always pasteurized). I try to limit the amount of chemicals in my home, but I also immunize my kids and think that not immunizing is irresponsible.
All parents make these decisions and I respect the fact that many parents come to different decisions than I do. At the same time, as a society, we also have to come to some sort of consensus, especially because these individual decisions we all make eventually affect public policy.
For example, health care costs are skyrocketing and yet many insurance companies pay for alternative medicine or chiropractors. It seems the people on both sides of the political spectrum have thrown science out the window in favor of conspiracy theories.
As human beings, we are all prone to contradictions in the decisions we make. Collectively, these choices do affect the world around us (for example, you will see a lot of dairy products today with the label r-BST hormone free). I try not to think about it too much or I’ll go crazy. I’m just practicing relaxing and working hard... making little changes to better the life of my family.

The Smoke and Mirrors of College Sports

The new school year also marks the beginning of fall sports, and by sports, I mean organized sports and the schedule juggling that goes with it.
In our household, summer is a time for unstructured play. Besides the weekly swim lessons, summer consists of playing outside in the evenings with friends and spending hot summer days inside playing with toys, video games, and books. This allows the flexibility for planned vacations, summer day camps, as well as impromptu trips around the city and play dates with friends.
Once fall starts, I usually sign the kids of for a sport. I try not to over schedule, but I think structured sports are important. Kids can learn a lot of skills from a good coach, as well as gaining discipline and learning to play as part of the team. This year, with the continuing oppressive heat, I signed the kids up for basketball and ballet. In other words, INSIDE SPORTS!
I often wonder how long my kids will continue to play. I have a son in third grade and a daughter in kindergarten. Right now, we do sports through the YMCA, but eventually they will have the opportunity to play through school. My goal for my kids is that they learn to love being active and spend a lifetime playing sports not just watching them. To me, this is essential for good health down the road.
Many parents, especially fathers, dream of college sports for their kids. They say the lure is potential college scholarships, but I suspect some of it is bragging rights as well. I've always been on the fence about this. Obviously, if my kids turn out to be particularly gifted in a sport and play in college, I thought that would be great. On the other hand, as long as they continue to enjoy non organized activities such as hiking, running, swimming or intramural sports on their own to continue having fun and being healthy, I would support that as well.
A recent article in The Atlantic Magazine changed my mind. It is titled, The Shame of College Sports, and the author explains that the term "student athlete" is a smoke screen for the NCAA and colleges to use unpaid labor and rake in billions of dollars.
The careers of most college athletes are short lived, lacking the bright future they were promised. The other day, I showed my husband the article, who forwarded it to his friend, a former successful college football player, who agreed with the premise of the story. He said that while he has always been interested in studying, and was able to get a successful non-sports related career after college football, many of his friends and fellow teammates were not so lucky. I encourage all parents to read the article if they haven't already.

Back from summer vacation

The kids are back in school from summer vacation, and I'm going to attempt to start blogging again on a regular basis.
Anticipating the birth of my third any day now, I left my job. I was able to spend the summer with the kids, which was stressful but also a lot of fun. We traveled. I was able to sign them up for various summer camps, we went to the library, and the movies. Now they are back in school, and I am in full nesting mode.
On one hand, I can't wait to meet the newest addition to our family, but I also know that once he or she (we didn't find out the gender) gets here, I will have a lot less time. So, I'm not trying to rush the little guy at all and spending the time getting ready. I've sorted through the entire house and donated a lot. My husband painted the guest room (probably not a necessity but one of those things we wanted to do for awhile).
Baby will be with us, so I got a nook in the master all set up for my little one. I've also been trying to get myself physically ready for giving birth, but I'll go into that in my next post.

Safe and effective sunscreens

As summer approaches (in Houston, it is already here), it's time to purchase sunscreen. I never paid much attention to what brand I purchased until my kids were born.
When they were really young, I used to just keep them out of the sun. Then, I started buying "baby" sunscreen. A couple of years ago, I came across an article (I think in the Washington Post) on the best sunscreens. It quoted research from the environmental working group.
Probably no surprise to many people, a lot of ingredients found in popular sunscreens contain harmful ingredients. A lot of common ingredients just aren't very effective. And those baby sunscreens? Most of them aren't as harmless as they appear, just packaged for advertising.
What I like about the EWG's site is that it has a good list of effective sunscreens as well as a function that you can use to search for sunscreens, including store brands. Basically, when looking for a sunscreen look for zinc, titanium dioxide, or avobenzone as the active ingredient. Avoid sunscreens With oxybenzone or vitamin A. Also avoid the two in one products that have sunscreen and bug repellent. You need to reapply sunscreen every so often, and it is not safe to be exposing skin to all that repellent. For people that want to be extra careful, avoid spray-ons as well.
I really liked the Blue Lizard brand, but it has become quite difficult to find. I noticed Aveeno has one that is a top pick this year on the list, The baby natural mineral block face stick. One other point to keep in mind is to make sure you double check the active ingredients. Many brands, like Aveeno and Blue Lizard, have sunscreens with different ingrediants.
I highly recommend the EWG sunscreen website. It has a lot of useful information. They also have a smartphone app, but I have not used it.

ipad2 let me count the ways i love thee

Considering how my last post was a bit anti-materialism, I feel strange writing about my new Ipad. I got one last week, and I love it!
I love how easy it is to use and how useful it is. So far, I have stuck to mostly downloading free apps. One that I recently started using is Cozi. It's an organizer, and you can put events on a calendar, make to-do lists, as well as shopping lists. I like how one can add notes to events on a calendar. So if I put a party on there, I can add a note to double check the location. You can also specify which family member has to do what or if it is an event for the entire family.
My 4year old likes the PBS kids app. I personally wish it was more like the website with games. It only has videos, but my daughter doesn't mind.
I'll try to keep my Ipad praises to a minimum so as not to sound like the Apple store employees, but

Taking one day at a time

I started this blog last year to talk about small improvements to make my life and the life of my family better. Everyday, we are inundated by images in the media of the perfect lifestyle. Whether it's home decorating, cooking, or raising kids.
I'm currently pregnant with my third child, and even there, media tells us how to have the perfect pregnancy. The cute pregnancy clothes, decorating nurseries, cooking healthy food, etc.
Of course, all of this is meant to spur consumerism. Someone wants us to buy stuff, whether it is the cute maternity clothes, books, or furniture. We need to realize that having these things don't mean we'll have the ideal delivery or baby. More importantly, it won't mean that we'll be happy.
I have to remind myself this. When I was pregnant with my first and second, our family financial situation was very different. Single incomes, starting new jobs, and grad school. This time, with God's blessing, we are in a different financial situation. But at the end of the day, I just want to eat mac-and-cheese and sleep. In my mind, I want to be the perfect mother, engaging my kids throughout the day all while with all my make-up done, perfect nails, and cute maternity clothes. Most days, after homework, I let them watch t.v. while I sleep on the couch and then letting them play outside when the weather cools down. As far as dress, I wear loose workout clothes.
I feel guilty about it.I feel like I should be doing something more, but yesterday at the Y, something made me change my mind.
I'm taking prenatal fitness classes there (which I highly recommend to anyone). After yoga, we have a discussion. This discussion was on emotions, and the speaker talked about how it's okay during our pregnancy to just sleep and rest. The statement gave me an aha moment. I know, it seems obvious, but in a society where we always are encouraged to be productive and redoing our house, it was a nice reminder.
So, I'm reassessing my situation and trying to focus on being content. Yesterday, I was up and on the go, running 100 errands,. Today, I dropped the kids off at school and took a long nap. After my daughter's preschool ended, we went to the gym and I walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes, followed by story-time at the library. Now dinner is simmering on the stove (lamb tagine), homework done and I can hear the kids playing outside. I might do some laundry tonight, but then again, I might not and that's okay.

Mother's Day: How well do the kids know me?

Yesterday, my son brought home a Mother's Day project. It was very sweet and in it, he talked about how much he loved me, etc. Very sweet.
There was one section where he had to write my favorite things to do. He wrote: napping, followed by cooking. I can understand the napping; being pregnant, I've been taking opportunities to nap. But cooking? I cook for my kids because I don't want them eating out, but it's actually not one of my favorite things to do. I can understand why he would think so. After all, everyday after school he sees me getting dinner ready.
The project made me think of the perceptions we have about our parents and how accurate they really are. I know my mom pretty well. We talk almost every evening and she's open about her likes and dislikes. But I'm sure there are things our parents don't tell us. Dreams differed. At a young age, they probably didn't give us much insight into our their personal thoughts because we were too young to understand or in some cases to protect us. But as adults, I'm sure we're the ones that are too busy to sit down and ask.
As Mother's Day creeps up tomorrow, we inundated by images of the mother-child relationship, touted as the closest bond someone can have. As adults, these relationships are often complicated, but perhaps this year, when we take our moms out to brunch, we should have a heart to heart and really get to know the person we call mom.

Home sweet home

For the past couple of weeks, my house has had contractors coming in and out. Frankly, it's driving me crazy. About a month ago, we discovered a water leak in the kitchen sink (we discovered it when we noticed wood in the LIVING ROOM peeling). We had to fix the leak, dry the walls and cabinet and rip up and replace all the flooring downstairs. The result has been two weeks of dust, dirt, bugs, chemical smells, and a constant stream of people coming in and out. Being pregnant doesn't help.
What's worse is my husband hasn't been able to take any time off of work. So he'll send me the occasional text asking if I'm okay, which angers me more than makes me feel better. I'm frustrated because I can't function normally but life has to go on. I still have to help my kids with homework, I still have to feed them. Last week we ate out because our kitchen was under wraps while they were finishing up the flooring. My son finally cried on Friday and asked if I could please just cook dinner one night. We can finally cook in the kitchen, but today we ate in the porch while the painters painted.
As I was showering this evening, fuming about my situation, I was reminded of a story about the Alabama tornado victims I heard on NPR that morning. The story focused on the effort to find housing for the victims. When I heard it that morning, I was rushing to drop my kids off at school. But now, when I had time to reflect on my day, I was reminded of a powerful quote I heard. One lady interviewed mentioned how people had given them so many donations, but how without a home it was meaningless. She had no place to put them.
"We need a place to sleep," she said. "We need a room we can lock a door and be safe...Take a bath, be clean. Be able to sit and be still and be peaceful for a minute."
The inconvenience I face is nothing to the hardship faced by victims of natural disasters. But it did help me empathize. Not having the ability to function normally in my own home has really taken an emotional toll on me, I can imagine how it would feel not to have your own home at all. Being in a shelter might protect you from the elements, but it does not replace a home.

Trader Joe's..in Houston?

The Austin American Statesman reported today that the company Trader Joe's is looking to expand in Texas. I wasn't able to find a press release on the company website, but if a store does open in Houston, it would make me so happy.
It's hard to explain a store like Trader Joe's to people who are not familiar with it. The article in the paper calls it a Whole Foods competitor, but it really isn't. For one, it's not a one stop grocery store. The shops are pretty small and only carry the Trader Joe brand. By selling everything under its own brand name, the are able to carry gourmet food at a lower cost than at other grocery stores.
The stores are also ideal for people in urban areas who might not have a big kitchen. They are known for their prepped veggies (already cut up butternut squash is my personal favorite). Their frozen food section is awesome for parties. We used to always get finger foods from their when we hosted parties while living in the east coast.
My friends who have been exposed to this store in other cities love it, but I do have to wonder how successful it would be in Houston. I suspect in Houston, it would do well near the Heights or Post Oak, where their is a critical mass of young professionals that such a store would appeal to. Of course, that would be a far drive for me, (I used to live within walking distance from a Trader Joe's and Whole Foods), but I'd still make the drive.

My first crop of plants

Today, I picked my firth handful of homegrown cherry tomatoes. I've been experimenting a bit with gardening throughout the years. Lack of time and Houston's harsh weather prevent me from taking a more aggressive approach to gardening. So over the years, I've stuck to potted plants, whether prim roses on the doorstep, houseplants, or hanging baskets of ivy on the porch. On the ground, I've stuck to hearty native plants that require little maintenance.
An then there's the annual pot of herbs. I'm no expert but there's something satisfying about growing plants. In fact, it's one of the things, I feel make a house a home.
I think a lot of people feel intimidated by gardening. It's not surprising if all your inspiration comes from the the fabulous gardens featured on home and garden magazines. Those types of gardens are often expensive and difficult to maintain. But take it from someone who neither has the time nor money to take on such a task but loves nature. You can get the same joy from projects on a much smaller scale. Stratigically placed plants, carefully selected for their color, texture and hardiness, and of course a pot of herbs will bring you and your family joy.

Fast, fresh.. and heathly.. all for a good price

Ever since I became a mom, preparing dinner has been a challenge. Before kids, fast, healthy, and cheap wasn't so hard. Take the summer in DC where I would buy an eggplant on Sunday. Every evening, I would slice a piece, roast it in the oven and make a sandwich with whole wheat bread, tomatoes and fresh cheese. It was fast, healthy, and really cheap. Now with two kids and a busy schedule, that can be a challenge. I occasionally run across a recipe that works, which is food recipe nirvana.
One such recipe is my goat cheese pasta. I came across it in a Martha Stewart magazine. I wanted to make a dish for a friend who just had a baby. She was nursing and couldn't eat anything spicy. Over time, I made tweaks to suite my own taste. The beauty is how yummy it is given the easse to make it.
First, cook a pound of whole wheat pasta. Drain the pasta BUT reserve a cup of cooking water.
To the pasta, add crumbled goat cheese. I know..GOAT CHEESE? That can be pricey, but I found crumbled goat cheese at a reasonable price at HEB, and you can also substitute other less expensive cheeses as well. I add about 6 oz, but you can play around and add what you want.
Now you can slowly add the pasta water to make the pasta creamy. Sometimes, I forget to reserve the pasta water and don't add any water. It's really up to your taste.
Finally, have fun with it. My kids love olives, so I add olives. The other day I added leftover chicken chopped up. You can add tomatoes, thawed frozen veggies, whatever you like.
When I serve the pasta, I like to drizzle some olive oil over it.

The pasta is is always a hit with the kids, it's fast, healthy, and inexpensive. Perfect.

I'm back

I was excited about starting this blog, but alas, like many aspirations, it went to the wayside. I'm happy to say, I've decided to start it back up. I hope to share my experiences taking small steps for a better life for myself and my family and I hope as more people read, they share as well.